Friday, July 24, 2009

The 'Mean Bone' - Every Girl Has One

This is our hateful cat, Marble. She is terribly cute and slightly cross-eyed. We brought her to Vaughn Farm a few months ago with the intention of her eventually becoming an "outside" pet (as I believe ALL pets should be). K had visions of teaching her to be a mouser and her living in the barn, on the porch, all around and keeping mice, snakes, etc. away.

Of course, when we got her she was new and fuzzy and small and baby kitten-ish. She was just away from her mother and we loved on her, petted her and generally let her do as she wished IN THE HOUSE. The plan was to let her get a little bigger, get used to our place and then get her fixed and then...out you go.

However, she has YET to be fixed. She terrorizes us (me in particular) and is generally a whiny, meowy pain in the tookus! The other day while I was laying on my exercise mat panting and sweating to near dehydration, trying to make it through my 5am workout Marble decided to stretch and sharpen her claws IN MY HAIR. I'd already almost tripped over her 50,000 times that morning. Exasperated, I picked her up, threw her in my bedroom and closed the door. K was out of town on business so I knew she couldn't bother anyone. 50 minutes later as I drug my exhausted body shakily toward the shower, I opened my door and was hit in the face by a foul, poopish odor. Immediately I screamed out, "CAT!!! Where did you do it?" and began searching for the mess. I found it, hot and steamy right on top of the (thankfully) dirty laundry. I don't know about you, but scrubbing poop is not a few of my favorite things. Scrubbing poop at 6am isn't either and scrubbing cat poop at 6am is enough to send me into a flaming fit!

So, my day started well. Later as I was driving the kids to Mom and Dad's for the day (oh yes, I still had to go to work after that great start) I was ranting about the cat and how she needed to be an outdoor cat except "Your Daddy still hasn't gotten her fixed like he promised he would." I know, great example to my little angels.

Anyway, Kallie says, "What's fixed?" I hesitated because I wasn't really sure how to say that "fixed" means neutered so she can't have any cute, sweet kittens. I mean, how do you say that to a bunch of big-eyed, golden-haired, sweeties staring expectantly at you so that you can almost see their halos gleaming? Thankfully, I didn't have to reply because Holdyn, wise big brother that he is, says to Kallie, "You know, fixed, she has to get her Mean Bone taken out." Kallie says, "Oh yeah, her Mean Bone."

I reply, "Yes, exactly, she has to get her Mean Bone taken out."

Get ready Marble...


Mama Hen said...

Her Mean Bone!!! Hilarious! Does that work on humans too?

The Archibald Family said...

Lovin' it! I love those kids.

♥~♥ Nine Acres ♥~♥ said...

Hehe! Great story. Well, minus the poop anyway. I will never ever have another female cat. I LOVE my male cats (all fixed too) but can't stand my prissy female cat.